Firstly, I will be apologising to my babies. Again! What I am about to write is not your faults. I love you both. I have written in no uncertain terms about that. Swimming through mud is just what insane moments sometimes feel like. Maybe like when you guys teeth. Or are sick. Or just cannot explain to me what it is that you want. I hate seeing your tears. I want to make it better. ALWAYS. People say “live in the moment”. I have always tried this. When you are just after picking up the phone to hear your baby has thrown up, or if they are constipated and you can literally see the problem but cannot help, or they have tumbled from a couch that you had no business letting them sit on and the instant swelling duck egg bruise teases you into thinking the irrational thought that their brain is exploding, then living in the moment is nausea inducing. I feel I am doggy paddling in muddy puddles and getting nowhere. As it stands, I am a pretty dreadful swimmer.
These are grey days. Literally. Rain has fallen since Christmas. Floods have abated only to return.People have lost their homes. It is likely this is adding to my difficultly to cope with some of the daily struggles. Don’t get me wrong. I am coping. I have my home and I love it. I want to call a spade a spade however. My pretty home is beginning to feel more like Alcatraz at every waking moment. I am finding it rough going at times. Driving rain against the window pane was once a time I would cherish. Believe it or not. I lived in a city that was famous for rain. I had a friend there from Australia. I believed she must hate this incessant drizzle and miss home. No, as it transpired. She told me that when it rained, she curled up into a blanket and ate fried chicken. That is ten years ago. I still see hear rain and conjure up that image. I may have substituted fried chicken for other treats at various times, but the feeling still lived. I will always thank her for giving me joy in the rain. She is gone home to Australia however. I need her to tell me the next bit! What do you do to save the day when the rain truly won’t go away, your babies are sick and teething, you have baked cupcakes, coloured, imagined and the cows are long home? When jumping in muddy puddles may be possibly taking your life into your hands?!
These are actual photos from my area, not free downloads! That is the top bar from a five bar gate. Everything is wet. When it dries, gunge, green algae and a nasty slime paper every element of life. It is impossible to keep the dirt away. I am punching imaginary walls in frustration.
I know it will pass. Everything that is a little bit dreadful usually does. We will continue to make gingerbread men. Cry. Smile. Love.